Monday, September 3, 2018

Life is Hard

With my husband being away and raising our child, no one will still hire me because of my disabilities, which pisses me off. Its hard to live just with my husbands job. I want us to have a few extra bucks but its hard to get it. I just want to cry I have no one to talk to being out here all alone. I just dont know what to do,

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Life moving forward

So I used to use this place to let people how wonderful life was being a single father, Then I met Cedric back in 2014 and the following year we got married. I never thought I find someone to love me, to love me for me and all my flaws. to put up with me and take care of me until i met him. Isabella took him immediately, and caled him DADA. Its weird hoe things work. I proposed to him later in 2014 and we got married in 2015, in the court house and no reception. That has haunted me since that day, you ask why? It has nothing to do with my husband, he treats me good, he joined the military to take care of me because of me getting banged up so much as a cop and having surgery after surgery so now I am a stay ay home dad, I could not ask for a move giving husband then what I have. So everything should be ok right? No, I never got a wedding, I never got to invite friends and family to my wedding I never got walk down a isle i never got to have a party afterwards I never got kiss my husband at the alter I never had a first dance. You don't know how much it hurts. We finally gay people are able to get married and it be legal and I never got a real wedding. Mine was in a court house because we could not afford it. We were taking care of a 2 year old at the time and he was in school and it was not even in a budget, but finally when we were going to have it I got hurt again and he quit his job and joined the Navy to take care of me and the family. So we had to cancel our wedding again. Now I am in a different place with no family no support but my husband cant find a job to save my life because of all my surgeries and injuries so we can save money for a wedding, it will never happen. I get so mad when I see theses people just mock a weeding or have a weeding only to get divorced a year or two later what a waste of money, I know what its like to be poor running a budget eating left overs all the time me not eating so my daughter eats has new clothes and shoes for school as she comes first. I now have a 5 year old who cry's all the time of wanting a sibling something we cant do because we cant afford to do surrogacy again because India has changed its laws on letting gays in to do surrogacy. So now I am in between a rock and a hard place I will never get my wedding as I am trying to find a way to have a second child so my daughter can have a sibling. I just wish god could hear me and help me. I am so tired of crying about not being able to get a break. I set up a go fund me page to try and have a second child but I have raised all of $20 from one nice person, I look on line at stupid things like Jim comey the lying FBI agent who's raising money for his legal defense with more the $500K plus in is account really????? this world is so fucked up a guy who knowingly broke the law people are giving him money to get out of jail and I am a law abiding citizen trying to make my family better and I cant get any help. I am so much better of dead at time, at least then my husband could afford to have another child for our daughter but i have to make the biggest sacrifice, me. I know I will never get a wedding and I know I will never be able to give my daughter a sibling, and in my eyes I am a failure. No one will hire me to make any money to do this, its nice i can watch my daughter grow up but I cant contribute to the cause. I wish my husband now was no longer in the Navy because I think it hurts us more then helps us. They treat him like shit at work, they treat our family like shit, like second class citizens. When I was having a procedure done his ship fought to give him off when he had a doctors note and all we have no one here to help take care of me take me to the hospital or take care of our child. But a straight married couple no note no issue they are let off with no resistance and no bull shit. Nothing like someone Writing FAGS on your sign in your yard to make you feel even better on a military installation, and the base commander just blow smoke up my ass when he talked to me thats how I felt, but whatever. My husband works 10-12-14-16 hours a day comes home so tired to spend any real time with his family because he just wants to go to bed. More and more I want to run for office to let all this bullshit out of the bag and show how gay people are treated in the military, looked down upon and just in my view harassed. Well this was really about me wanting a marriage and I got off task sorry Until next time.